We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
