I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I am mentally ready for anal.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
