Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
