My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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