Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
