And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
