I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
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I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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