I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I checked into jail on foursquare
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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