You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
