Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
