I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
A+ Viking dick
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
