There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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