So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
