I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
