so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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