i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
