I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I currently don't understand fingers.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
