I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
