Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
