I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
