This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
