i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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