I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
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