You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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