YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
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Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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