Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm getting married
To pizza
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
