Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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