its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
