Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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