I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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