Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
