Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
