so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
