Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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