I hate all girls vehemently.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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