So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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