Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
