just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
