I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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