I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
