i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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