I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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