I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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