I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
