new low.... made out with someone while peeing
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
