I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
