She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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