When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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