Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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