I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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