he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's always time for handjobs
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
