His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
