i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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