i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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