I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
