If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
