I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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