whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
tell me about the eggs
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
