yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
