I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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