Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
