I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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