Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
