my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
