Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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