I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
