Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
