grandma shit on top of the toilet
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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