No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
