I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
