3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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