party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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