i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
