I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
