my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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