can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
