if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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